fears

I used to think that I didn't fear anything.

later, I realized that I do fear for the safety and protection of my family, especially my younger sisters.  

Yesterday, I thought that I would go exploring after work.  So, I took a long bike ride (just a little longer & hillier than expected) and parked over in Stanford campus to go exploring on foot.  It was a beautiful time to reflect and think (despite a heavy backpack on) and the trails, flowers, bridges were beautiful.  I need to make an arrangement of my Heavenly Father loves me.  On my way back, the pathway was quite deserted.  I don't really know why I wanted to do this, but I really wanted to climb a tree.  I have not climbed a tree in many many years, and have an irrational fear of climbing on them.   

[ok, Peter, my little brother, just threw a banana peel across the room towards mallory through a half shut door]

so, I found a tree that followed the slope of a hill so the fall was never more than 6 feet and forced myself to climb it.  yes, it was a frightening, and yes, I left my laptop and backpack at the bottom, and yes, I got poked by miniature thorny branches, and yes, I got stuck once.  but the whole point is, I felt so good after conquering a mini-fear.  

I remember being afraid of heights when I was a little girl.  Unfortunately, as sight seeing was a huge part of my childhood, I climbed many turrets, cathedral bell towers, fortress ramparts, and mountains.  I remember making a very conscious decision while climbing a precariously steep staircase on the edge of a tower that I would not be afraid of heights.  It was done with tongue-biting and no looking down for a year, but since then, I have not been afraid of heights.  

I just want to find more fears and conquer them.  or maybe also increase in faith.

Down By the Salley Gardens

down by the salley gardens, my love and I did meet.

she passed the salley gardens with little snow-white feet.

she bid me take love easy, as the leaves grow on the trees.

but I, being young and foolish, with her did not agree.

in a field down by the river, my love and I did stand

and on my leaning shoulder, she placed her snow-white hand.

she bid me take life easy, as the grass grows on the weirs.

but I was young and foolish, and now am full of tears.