Proud to be American. European.

While turning towards whatever has the most red white and blue in the room, we chanted the pledge of allegiance, to the flag of the United States of America for 7 years when we lived in Europe.  I was definitely American, from America, with parents from America, in the American section of the school, and speaking American at home.

It wasn't until we moved to America that I no longer felt American.  Leaving Europe / coming to America was hard on all of us.  I remember walking around town one last time, lingering at church for the last time, riding my bike around the streets one last time, walking through every room in the house one last time, and staring up at such a deep blue clear sky the day I left my heart there and flew away.  I have returned to Europe about once a year since then, and each time that I leave, I feel that familiar pang in my heart.

The difference is that the world here (in Europe) is generally built around centuries of history-- a history without modern conveniences. Their whole lives don't circulate completely around technology.  Streets were built for walking and riding -- not always planned for cars (this is why their cars are normal sized-- tiny to Americans!).  Theaters and opera houses were their primary form of entertainment.  Their lives centered around their church services and their outdoor market.  Because of this, large squares/plaza/platz/places, parks, churches, and opera houses are at the heart of towns.  The field workers in the feudal systems lived on the outskirts of each town, allowing beautiful fields to frame each town even nowadays.  Every community was self-sufficient enough to have their own baker for bread everyday, fisherman, butcher... Most often, with stores taking only the bottom floor of the living quarters.  The stores fit in around their lives. Oh, I could probably go on for some time-- do you get the point?  Somehow, this life seems more simple.

Most of the US was really shaped after the industrial revolution, with efficiency in mind.  Land zoned for housing is completely apart from commercial land which is completely apart from farming land.  Full blocks of commercial buildings are points of interests and destinations instead of a part of life.  So much of the layout of the land is for the sake of efficiency.  It costs so much to erect a performance center in specific zoning from scratch, that making ends meet seems more difficult.  Everyone is trying to get something bigger and better, faster and more immediate, more convenient, and prove themselves-- as if they have something to make up for! The cars, the roads, the buildings, the houses, the portion sizes (!), the TVs, the cities, and metropolises... Sometimes these things are so overwhelming and overstimulating.  Of course I am speaking generally.

But generally, you do shop once at a super market for food to last several weeks.  Because of this, you need a larger fridge.  We drive everywhere (Palo Alto excluded), so destination shopping is no problem, we only have to carry bags to our cars.  Once you hit farming fields, they seem to go on and on, assembly-line-like, and crops even start looking all the same. Bigger, better, better tasting, so we don't need much more variety.  We have big fridges, washers and dryers, stores, AC units... and it's quite comfortable.

So many in our culture would opt for the efficiency, the grand scale, the driving everywhere.  But so much of me longs for the former, the l'Etang la Ville, the public transportation, simple, smaller life.  Sigh.  Of course I'm very proud to be an American.  But I'm always struggling with this duality.  And I'll probably go back and forth my whole life.

... so incase you happen to be a suitor... you may or may not need to reconsider ;)