Sacrifice

Seven months later it's a snow-day, and I am finally attempting to put this experience into words. It exhausted more sighs, tears and prayers than any other physical experience I've lived through so far. I smiled through much of it, laughed at myself, learned many lessons, kept confidence in its healing (according to God's will), and just kept going... but it's been 7 months; I am still recovering, hoping for the best, still learning lessons, still praying for relief and remembering pain. 

I smile through everything. I am optimistic, think the best of people to a fault, laugh through my struggles, and generally heal quickly. I also have a very high tolerance for pain (maybe a redhead thing?). And when I do feel pain, I don't always know what to do with it. I'll unconsciously ignore it, or mask it, remind myself how many have it worse than I, wrestle through it, count my blessings, and then I move past it. I just wait it out and things work out. It in this case being an overuse injury, tendonitis, some ulna tunnel, definitely damaged muscles, inflamed tendons and irritated nerves.

 

The pain erupted to the point where I could no longer play a note on the piano. I flew home, and in one of my more desperate prayers, I received confirmation and comfort that God knew exactly what I was going through, that this ailment might not be text book, but that it was specifically given to me and that it would help me learn. That it would teach more patience, help relationships, and let me grow. I believed that, and still do, with all my hope and all my heart.

Three weeks into it, I was alone in the Chalet, sitting in a steaming bath full of epsom salts, essential oils, and my own tears, unable to lift my hands to wipe my face pr move a strand of hair ... or really do anything but sit in silence. There were so many books close by I wanted to study, phone calls I wished I could make, emotions to fill a whole journal I was dying to write, music I longed to prepare and practice, or at least a social media website I could browse! But physically, I couldn't. 

Muscles hold memories, and most every day for the last 20 years has been composed of practicing the piano, harp, violin, conducting, teaching from the piano, coaching, typing, writing, and working. Even though I'd never felt real pain while playing piano or conducting, it really shouldn't have been so surprising to receive an injury. Honestly, it was long overdue--I'd never broken a bone, and never had an injury worse than bad knees and mosquito bites. 

Each week that passed I would tell those who inquired after me how it was getting better, how I'd be playing again soon, how I could start my conducting doctorate program without delay. I felt directed from the Lord to continue with my plans to move and to continue with my schooling, so I also expected healing ... in whichever way the Lord had in mind. 

The weeks quickly turned to months, and the ailment moved and morphed through different phases. I always needed help, and tried to ask for it, although even asking requires movement from your arms. I didn't look like I needed help, there was no cast, and I could always force movement when I needed. I somehow completed the move across the country (with a lot of help from close family), and started seeing new doctors more regularly. The excruciating reminders came less frequently as healing continued to happen, and I tried to incorporate better habits into my new lifestyle. 

I'm still taking it easy-- lifting as little as possible, practicing only in short spurts, using heat and ice, sleeping with splints, and still praying. The pain no longer bothers me, and most of the therapy is over (although I have said that for months). There might be more help I can get, and it will take a long time to regain the strength I had, but I am doing well, and mostly I consider it a thing of the past. 

Whether it was the 'would-you-rather' question game or simply empathizing with my heroes, as a child I had forced myself to imagine how I might live were I to go blind, deaf, or even loose my legs. And I had come to terms with each situation. I could live a happy life in any of those situations. For some reason, I never even imagined a situation where I might loose my arms. I didn't think that could happen. My arms symbolized everything God had given me-- the ability to touch, nurture, write a note, compose a song, make music, act, bless, decorate, help and create beauty. 

To give up the thing with which God specifically blessed you is part of my story. Moriah, the sacred place upon which Abraham promised to give up his biggest blessing. And where he, in beginning to enact that promise, was finally able to fully receive that blessing. I promised God a long time ago that I would sacrifice and dedicate all I had to His kingdom. But promising that in my heart was different than actually enacting that promise. But part of that promise was put to the test, or enacted upon me, to a small degree these past 7 months. And as I continue to re-deserve, relearn and regain strength, I now have renewed desire to thank God for my gifts, to treasure all I am given, and to sacrifice to receive the blessings of Heaven.

Stress Relievers I experienced this week

Viewing a play
Playing the violin

Momentary deafness while riding a bike
Momentary stillness in a campus crowd

A compliment, sincerely given
A text, interrupting a study

Song à haute voix in a house to myself
Song à haute voix in a room full of friends

Colorful fall leaves crunching under feet
Crimson wild flowers catching in my hand

Hearing trusted friends while in fervent prayer
Hearing a flawless, fearless performance

The south edge of campus, overlooking the lights
The south edge of mountains, stained pink at sunset

Creeping into bed while rain taps on the window
Cozing in a sweater with friends by the fire

Gospel Principles
Goals to be Better

Calling "Just 'Cuz"

You never know who you're gonna get on the other side of the phone line. Missionaries have so many numbers of people that were, at one time, interested in learning about the Gospel of Jesus Christ. They might be ready now, to hear the message of the Restoration, or they might have learned and seen the opposition and decided not to accept it.

Zahia seemed nice on the phone, a young woman of 24, half portuguese, have tunisian, and French; but I had to call to cancel the rendezvous we made. then she called to cancel the next rendezvous scheduled.
but I called her again on Sunday, just 'cuz.

Things were not going right in her life, with her work, with her boyfriend, with her friends, and she left (despite the cold) her home to go wander in the forest alone. There she let her soul out to God. She asked--please, just send me angels. send something, someone! She lingered in the forest as she had nothing to look forward to at her apartment. and then I called.

I'm not sure why, but I chatted and chatted on the phone with her. I asked her about her life, work, drivers lessons, and got to know her. She was waiting at the bus stop in Nemours when we came off of the bus and we were immediately close friends. She told us of the circumstances surrounding our call. In the opening prayer, she said, 'God, these must be the angels that you sent. Thankyou. ' She had been in a similar depressed state when she first met Elders on a train in Fontainbleau and received a Bood of Mormon.

She can no longuer go to sleep without reading passages in the Book of Mormon, and when she has troubles, she opens the Book of Mormon at random and receives her answers. She is so sincere. Even though this is the first time we met her, we invited her to be baptised again-with the proper authority. 'Can I be baptised again?'

yes. and you'll have the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost: what you're feeling now. really? do you have this feeling with you ALL the time? that is so wonderful! If you are worthy, yes. You will have this feeling with you all the time. and you'll be ready by April 24th. 3 baptismal dates and 8 new amis this week!

love you all, thanks David and the Bennions for your letters that were sent at Christmas :) finally got them! Cait, I'm praying for you!

Soeur Wilson

Elizabeth

We were tracking in the dark and in the cold, but finally came to Elizabeth's house. We sang the opening hymn and she was touched to tears.

Over the phone, I have figured out that she was taught a little bit of the gospel earlier, but after some offenses and being physically and emotionally hurt, she hadn't had the elders over.

We talked about the Holy Ghost and each shared times that we had felt it. She shared even of a time when she was beat that she prayed so hard to the Lord. She felt an incredible peace. It was as if the man were beating the wall next to her. When her 4th daughter was in utero, the doctor's discovered that there was no ambiotic fluid around the baby. They were going to kill it several times because they were afraid that it would kill her. but she went into labour and was a celebrity in the hospital. She felt an overwhelming peace from the lord that let her keep the baby.

She said that the problem with the times that she had felt the spirit was that it leaves after those experiences.

I said that she needed to receive the Gift of the Holy Ghost to be entitled to have the Constant Companionship of the Holy Ghost. She said that she would like that.

love you each,
soeur wilson
congrats to sister Aurélie Stumont who is engaged!

Highlight of the Week

The highlight of the week was of course Fabienne's baptism. We woke up that morning and saw snow covering the whole world. how appropriate! it was a wonderland. we checked many times to make sure we had the towels, the music, the programs, the baptismal clothes, the violin, the coats, the cake-- and we were finally out the door.

I haven't been able to contact Priscilla since the New Year, and both sr Gifford and I thought that maybe we pushed the gospel too hard or maybe we said something they had taken in the wrong way, but we should have had more faith. She called that afternoon, asking what time the baptism was. !!!!!! i did a little dance and could hardly keep the excitement out of my voice when she called. Ya know, when all you think, pray and talk about are investigators, you really get excited for them.!

Fabienne came in early, bright as the sunshine. She said "everybody kept warning me about this week and all the opposition that would come before my baptism, but it was a great week! probably because I was praying so hard!" Combined with the prayers of all the missionaries in Paris, the members in St Ouen, and the families across the world, God does hear and answer prayers.

and another one of my prayers was answered when Pricilla AND her HUsband Neil (!!!!) came in and sat in the back. THey looked like they really belonged here.

Fabienne was in tears starting with the first talk by Frère Loisel on Baptism and throughout the whole service. Marie Nikiema gave the talk on the Holy Ghost. She did not know how to read when she joined the church, but learned last year through reading the BOok of Mormon. The first half of her talk was simply reading out of the new RS/ Priesthood manual. We were all as amazed by the spirit the was brought by her being able to read as well as the role of the Holy Spirit.

I then stood up and read the words of Baptism to her before we played the piece I wrote for her. All there were so filled with the spirit, that even when Neil said, 'has anyone tried doing a canon ball into there [Baptismal font]?' I didn't mind. I didn't hear him swear ONCE the whole baptism. and he had bought a nice sweater that morning for the occasion.

after having seen almost 40 baptisms since 2009, I think that I will never get tired of them.

I love you all very very much. I loved 2009 so much. every moment of it being a missionary endowed with power, strength, virtue, knowledge and very much engaged in so many good causes.

may you be strengthened in each of your good causes. thanks for the emails Rich, Loli and Micah

love,
Soeur WIlson

Prepared and Learning

On Saturday, I was blown away at how prepared some people are to receive the restored gospel. Nobertine is a divorced woman from Congo with four children ranging from 9 to 18, the oldest of which has autism. She is beautiful, professional, and going to medical school! I am so excited to get to know her and her family.

At work, she met a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and finally told him that there was something in him that was so different. He told her about his beliefs and she wasn't even surprised. His family values and respect so apparently spoke of faith in God. How do people see that? this must happen so often but we don't always speak up about what we see in others or about our beliefs. Society is kinda closed to that kind of thing I think. but Nobertine was open and ready.

We gave her a tour of the church in St Ouen and explained how you can become a member. As we showed her the chapel (past the piano ;)), sister Lee asked if we could sing a song. There were tears in her eyes when we sang, 'families can be together forever,' and she asked for her own Proclamation on the Family. I explained that it was written by Prophets, foreshadowing the breaking up of family and teaching the true doctrine of our responsabilities in the family. She understood far more than the words I said. She said that she would have to photocopy it for all of her brothers. I gave her 5 more copies of the Proclamation instead :)

I have been studying Knowledge. I want to keep on asking for more and more revelation, inspiration, knowledge. I want to learn more than is said, as Nobertine did. I want to have a thirst that can be quenched only if I realize that it's there. I have to yearn more, ask more, seek more. How am I satisfied with what I already know? we all have so much to learn. I can't wait to study each morning. I love it. I really do. good luck with your midterms my Y friends. Let me know any of your big news. or how you're changing. I love changing. and special bisoux to my fellow butterflies!

Daniele, a french woman of St Ouen

Sometimes I have to remind myself that I am living in France. it is so much of who I am. getting out of the ghetto is so nice every now and then and seeing the majestic gothic architecture, the lines and lines of trees, the old cobblestone roads...

On Wednesday, we had an extra hour or two, so I told sister lee that we would have so much faith that God would send someone to the St Ouen park that would sit down and that we could teach a whole lesson to.

On the way there, I was able to bear testimony of wonderful truths and give out and receive phone numbers of those who might be searching for something that will bless their life more than ever before.

As we came to the park, and passed through most of it, not even thinking of what I had told Sister Lee last night during our planning. I looked at a lady alone on a bench close to the exit and I aksed her if I could chat with her for a few minutes about families.

she was more than willing, she was just getting a little bored.
As I sat down and asked her introspective questions, she expressed some of her deepest desires, questions... she said that it was interesting that we should come today, she was having dark thoughts this morning but God told her in her heart that she had more to do.
I said that it was interesting because we knew that we were going to find someone in the park today, we had told Heavenly Father to send someone.

We taught her what happened to her father at his death, her divine nature as a spirit daughter of God, the miracle of resurrection, and the whole plan of salvation--the Plan of Happiness!

I know that through Jesus Christ we can all become free from all the physical bondage that we experience here on earth. I know that we are eternal beings, ever learning, experiencing, teaching. I know thta there is a loving Heavenly Father with whom we lived before this life, and with whom we will live after this life. (don't make fun of my ruined sentence structure in english) I know that He shows his love to His children here on Earth every day through miracles, through his Holy Spirit, through the works of his servants the prophets, and his angels all around us, both mortal and not. What a glorious work we are a part of. how can we not lift up our heads, our voices, our song out of this world in our struggles and sing praises to God? If you don't feel His peace now, know that I know it is real and you will feel it through His answers.

with much love, Sister Wilson (thanks Cait for your email!)

Week of Miracles

Soeur de Ruyter and I hopped on a train from St Lazare towards Sannois to do some 'porting' = door to door this last friday, june 19th. Trains are always hot and sweaty in the summer here. we sat down with 10 minutes before the train left and discussed our ideas and focuses for contacting people about the church. The car soon filled up with more and more people, including one next to my collegue with earphones in.

As the bell rang for the doors to shut, a lady ran in, looking for a place to sit. As she was starting to climb over some people across from us, i scoonched over and said 'madame!' there's more room right next to me! she nodded and smiled at me graciously. once she was situated (it took quite some time), she looked at my comp's plaque. tag. 'oh, have you seen a nametag like this before?' 'no, but it does something to me.' here, in her heart. I introduced ourselves and I started talking to her about our love of God and geneology work. she said that she is from spain, algeria, france, maybe even denmark ...and back to the Vikings. As I started to swing the conversation to why we do geneology and let her feel the spirit, she stood up suddenly and said that this was her stop (the first one!) and she was overjoyed to meet us. 'My name is leila' she told us over her shoulder as she ran out of the train.

great. i didn't even have a card with my number to give her for her way. she could have called us. and I didn't even get her number! as I was beating myself up a little, sr deRuyter told me that the spirit had told her to get down off the train but it was too late. it is one of those promptings that you need to act on the very milisecond that it is given. I hadn't even thought of getting off! I said, 'we could get off at the next stop and go back.' well, we decided to do it. we were already two stops down on a big RER line, but we got off and waited paitently for the train going the other direction. We revamped every second of the experience, including her interesting necklaces: one cross, one Nefertiti, one star of David, one Eye.... As we got off at the big gare of Asnieres, we looked around for where to go. already more than 20 minutes had passed. we looked around one side of the gare for a tiny bit and then sr de Ruyter said, I think she's on the other side. so we ran to the other side. we run-walked down the main street, looking in each of the shops for a woman with long curly hair, dark skin, and a big Hot pink shirt. that should make it easy.

sure enough, after a few minutes of walking, we saw someone with that description ahead of us and we started following...'is that her?'!!!! as I ran to catch up with her I said 'Leila!' [look of astonishment] 'what are you doing here??? I was just thinking about you!' well-- we felt something and we really thought we needed to talk to you about our message. We talked in the street for a long time and also met her sister. She is going into the hospital today so couldn't meet with us, but we are visiting her today for our last p-day together in the paris clinic of Jeanne d'Arc. she's another dreamer.

This is just one of SO many miracles that happened this week. thought i might post one so you can get all the details and be in that wonderful moment of being led by the Spirit. love you all! and congrats Emily Hendricks and James Duncan on your wedding this week!!! I love all Singers!